Quotes
by annie.of.belle
Summary: Series of oneshots. "Its amazing and romantic and following that, everything a fanfiction should be!" - Arabella Blue-Dusk "Brilliant!" - Mademise Morte. Feel free to submit quotes!
1. Gravity, Albert Einstein

**Okay. Because I simply do **_**not **_** have enough going on right now, (*sarcasm, sarcasm*), I have decided to start a new series, called quotes. It will pretty much entail some of my fav quotes, put into a SkulPles story. Yay! (*sarcasm, sarcasm*)**

**Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love – Albert Einstein**

"Tanith, do you want a smoothie?"

"What type?"

"Bannana"

"Yumm, thanks."

"Okay, just give me some time to make it. You can start the movie if you want."

"Nah, I'll wait."

" 'Kay, whatever"

"Dum-be-dum-be-dahhh" Valkyrie sang under her breath, walking into the kitchen, and not looking where she was going. Not seeing Skulduggery lying on the floor until she tripped onto him.

_Thud._

"Oww… Skulduggery? What are you doing on the floor?"

"Meditating… ahh… I think you broke my tibia.. and a rib…"

"Oh! Sorry! I'll just… umm.." It was then she noticed that they were in a very… suggestive… position.

"No, it's okay. Stay right where you are. Don't move."

Valkyrie obeyed, and, as she did, he lent in, softly pushing his teeth to her lips.

"Hey, Val, are we gonna watch this movie or what… oh. I see. I'll just leave then."

"Tanith, I just fell!"

Tanith put on her wisest voice and said, "Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love."


	2. Love & Paperwork, Pearl Bailey

**'What the world really needs is more love and less paper work. -Pearl Bailey'**

"Valkyrie, as much I'd love to sit here and kiss you all day, you do have to finish that paperwork on the arrest on Sanguine."

She groaned. "Why can't I just arrest him and put him in jail?"

"I don't know," the skeleton shrugged. "That's the sanctuary for you. But, if we want this job, we follow their rules."

He stopped, cocked his head and added "at least, most of them."

She smiled at him as he kissed her. "So, if you think about it," he continued, "If you don't do your paperwork, then you get fired. If you get fired, I quit in protest. We cannot solve as many crimes, for we will have fewer resources, and therefore more crimes will be committed. So, the world _needs _you to complete your paperwork."

"Ugh," she groaned. "'What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork," and kissed him again.

**Yea, a short one. Whatever.**

**Dedicated to Arabella Blue-Dusk, who supplied this quote. Thanks Arabella x**


	3. Every Inch Of Me Hurts, Ianto Jones

"_Can't imagine a time when this wasn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomachs full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt."_

- Ianto Jones, Greeks Bearing Gifts, Torchwood

***

Skulduggery looked, if looking was what you could call it, at his surroundings. Looking, however, implied that there was something to look at; which there wasn't. Just… black. Well. Occasional swirls of grey, but they were so dark that they may as well be black.

_Dull, _Skulduggery Pleasant, Detective Extrodinaire, thought. _Extremely Dull. Hmph. As gooda place as any to spend the rest of my life. Or death. Well, I guess I shouldn't get into that sort of thinking, it takes to much time. _He reconsidered. _Weel, it would appear that time does not exist. Fine then. Am I alive; or am I dead. Alive argument first : I still ave consiousnous, therefore…. _And so he continued. Eventually, having come o the conclusion that he was neither alive nor dead, merely a skeleton with a conscious and an impeccable dress sense, he moved on to the topic of _Immortality – Good or Bad?_ , which kept him going for quite a while.

After many ages, and having gone through such topics as _What Gives Someone The Right To Kill?, Should Guns Be Available To The Public At Large, _and _Which Is Better – Dolce or Armani?_, He stopped.  
Just stopped.

And thought. _When is the last time I was happy? Not alone? With someone? Wh am I the way I am – not a skeleton, but… me? Why am I me? What is this existence? What – I don't – what is this? This life? This doubt? I don't… want? What?/When!/Why/How!!_

_Confusing/headache/dead/alive…alive/dead/alive…not/am/wish not/why?_

_Confusion swallowed him, like the grey clouds swirling, and gathered together for just a moment and then…_

Light. Glorious light, it was everywhere.

"We got him! Oy, Fletch. Good job."

"C'mon, Skul. How was your trip into death?"

"I… I can't imagine a time when this wasn't everything. Pain so constant, like my stomachs full of rats. Feels like this is all I am now. There isn't an inch of me that doesn't hurt."

Her face fell. "It's okay, Skulduggery. We've got you now. I've got you. Remember me? Val? C'mon, you'll be okay. We'll stop the hurt.

Promise."


	4. Heaven & Hell

China put down her pen. Dangerous scribbles of ancient symbols shimmered on the paper scattered around her.

"Death, mixed with life…" she muttered, "creates…" the paper sizzled, and then evaporated in a puff of fire. "_Damn."_

She looked around her precious library.

Bookcases, shelves filled with unread knowledge, had toppled, creating gouges in the walls ripped carpets, books strewn everywhere. The air was thick with frustration and exhaustion.

"Oh, Skul… I miss you. If only you could see how hard I'm trying…" she laughed. "You'd never let me forget it."

"You bet I won't."

Her head shot up. "Who's there?"

A skeleton stepped out of the shadows. "You don't remember me?" it asked, in a mock-hurt tone that China knew too well.

"Admittedly," it continued, "I might not look exactly how I used to…"

China Sorrows blinked a few times.

"Ahm… so… I thought I'd let you know. That I'm alive."

"H-How?"

"Funny story, that – Heaven didn't want me, and Hell was afraid that I would take over." He laughed, sounding a little unhinged, and China could imagine the grin that would go with the laugh.

"I missed you."

**Yeah, I wrote a few more paragraphs, but they weren't going anywhere. Four people have now asked me to start SkulPles fiction again. I'm honoured :) **

**I'll try to keep it regular :S… so thanks to you four, you know who you are xD**


	5. Sarcastic Comment

"So… my date with Fletcher is tonight."

"I know."

"Yeah... so, uh, no calls unless it's an emergency, right?"

"Right."

"Okay."

"Val, we've already been though this."

"I know, I know, just making sure…"

"Of what?"

"Just that you didn't have any fatherly advice to give... or something."

"I thought you had a father for that?"

"I do... but he told me to make sure I took garlic, a cross, and to wear matching socks."

"You are dating Fletcher, right? Not Caelan?"

"Oh, shut up. He was joking. I think."

A comfortable atmosphere settled.

"So... you have no advice?"

"Advice isn't really my thing… may I interest you in a sarcastic comment?"

She sighed. "Go ahead."

"Your fathers point about the socks is quite valid."

She looked at him. "Thanks, Skul, for your amazing advice-slash-sarcasm."

He would have grinned if he could. "That's what I'm here for."

'_**I'm not so good with advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?'**_

**Short. You'll live.**


	6. Unless They're Willing to Catch You

Valkyrie looked at Fletcher, felt him squeeze her hand under the table. She grinned and blushed, looking for all the world to be completely in love.

They would stare into each other's eye's, like young couples did, and everyone would see loving devotion and adoration.

When Val looked into Fletchers eyes, however, she felt nothing. No pull of emotions, no thudding heart, no… love.

She had only really felt those... addictive, enticing emotions for one person. Fletcher knew this. In fact, he felt the same way. Sure, Val was a great friend, but he was a one-woman man. And Val wasn't that woman.

So Fletcher flirted outrageously with Val, and she giggled in return, but both knew that it wasn't love. They knew what love was – the feeling they got when Tanith Low walked into the room.

Neither could ever be truly happy.

From then on, Val always stuck to her rule; never fall for someone, unless they're willing to catch you.

_**This is specifically dedicated to **_**sneaky lunatic spy**_**, as this is her favourite quote. Many thanks!**_


	7. So Long

Skulduggery glanced down at the orangey ground. It was so hard to tell where they were, because of how fast they were going. Actually, it might have had more to do with the fact that it all looked the same.

He could feel Valkyrie, clinging onto him for dear life. It felt… real. More real than any of the pain that had been inflicted upon him during his time here.

His time here…

Such a long, physically and psychologically painful time here. This would probably scar him forever.

Something was needed, some… farewell.

A sophisticated, intelligent line, perhaps…

And then, in a burst of witty brilliance, it came to him.

_What? _ Thought Valkyrie. _I could've sworn he just yelled out 'So long, and thanks for all the fish'._

_Maybe he really has cracked…_

_**Sorry, I didn't set the scene to well. This is as they are leaving the reality that the Faceless Ones were stuck in, near the beginning of **_**Dark Days. **_**Thanks go to **_**Mademise Morte **_**for suggesting this quote, and to **_**Douglas Adams**_**, who originally used it as a title. **_


	8. If At First You Don't Succeed

Skulduggery walked into his house. Today had been a good day, and he wanted to share his mood with his wonderful, beautiful wife.

"Val, I'm home!"

Silence greeted him.

Undeterred, he walked into the kitchen. An ungodly mess, but no Val. Through to the living room, and there was a smoldering fire, but no Val. Not in their bedroom, pantry, bathroom, rooftop or dining room.

Moderately worried, Skulduggery called out her name a few more times, before pulling out his phone.

"_Hi! You've called Valkyrie Cain, partner to Skulduggery Pleasant. If you are ringing about a detective issue -_"

Skul flipped his phone shut, and walked back to the messy kitchen.

_Hmm… no signs of a struggle. Seems more like she was making a cake. No, several cakes. The first was, for some reason, discarded. Likewise, the second. The third was burnt. The fourth stuck to the pan –_

"Oh, Skul. Hi!" someone said sheepishly.

He turned around. "Val?"

"Hey. Uh, how was your day?"

"Good. How's Fletcher?"

"How'd you know that I'd seen Fletch?"

"I didn't hear a car, or a door…"

"Excellent deduction."

"Why thank you."

"Uh, sorry about leaving a mess. I thought I'd be back before you."

"From where?"

"… Just, places." She smiled innocently. It scared him.

"So, where's this cake you baked?"

"Cake?"

"Yeah… I'm a little hungry, and my excellent skills of deduction tell me that you made a cake."

"Fletcher ate it."

"Fletcher?"

"Uh-huh."

"Fletcher ate… all the cake?"

She nodded.

"All… _four_ cakes?"

She bit her lip. "Well…"

"Let me tell you what I think happened." He took a step closer to her. "You… started making a cake."

"Genius."

He inclined his head. "Why thank you. But let me finish." He walked to the further end of the bench, and paused. "Judging by the salt scattered here, you accidently dropped the bottle - "

"It wasn't my fault, I got a fright!"

"Oh really?"

"… There was a dog bark."

Valkyrie had trouble making eye contact with her husband. "It was very sudden…"

"Oh, I'm sure it was," he said, in his best sarcastic voice. "In continuation, that cake was scraped – emptied down the drain, by the look of it."

Valkyrie nodded once.

"So, onto the second cake. This one actually made it to the oven – quite an achievement! In fact, it was probably fine, but you pulled it out a little to early, and it collapsed."

"The instructions said -"

"Oh, I'm _sure _they did. That one was put on the fire the burn, am I correct?

Valkyrie nodded morosely.

"Now, two more cakes to go. The third one, you didn't have enough ingredients left, and scraped it in a fit of rage. The fourth was your attempt to reconcile yourself, and prove yourself against the cake, so you went to the store and bought the required ingredients. This cake went well enough, but, before you could hide it or clean everything up, Fletcher came, and devoured the cake."

She sighed. "Well, you know what they say – If at first you don't succeed, destroy the evidence that you tried."

He cocked his head to the side. "Well you didn't destroy the evidence very well, did you?"

"Oh, don't patronize me." She pouted.

"Never, my dear." He pulled her into a hug. "You know, I love you… even if you _can't _cook."

That night, Skulduggery Pleasant, detective extraordinaire, was banished to the couch.


	9. Silence is Golden

'_**Silence is Golden'**_

"Duh-duh-duh, dah-duh-duh-duh-duh, dah-duh…" Fletcher walked through the room, humming mindlessly along to his iPod.

"_No._" Valkyrie looked at Tanith. "Tell me that's not-"

Tanith looked grave. "I'm afraid it is."

"Never… no!" She replied.

Skulduggery walked into the room, took one look at the girls' distraught faces, and turned around, hoping not to be caught.

"Skulduggery! Help!"

_Damn._

"What is it this time?"

"It's a tragedy!"

"Disgusting!"

"Horrifying!"

"Disturbing!"

"Too mature!"

"Abhorrent!"

Skulduggery put his hands out in front of himself, trying to protect himself from the torrent of words.

"_What_ is?"

Wordlessly, they pointed to Fletcher.

"_N-n-n-now I'm feelin' so fly, like a G6…_"

Skul winced. Fletcher could _not _sing.

"_When we drink we do it right…_"

"So, he's a bad singer. Duct-tape his mouth or something."

They looked at each other, grinning widely.

_Oh, dear,_ he thought to himself. _I hope they don't take that duct tape thing seriously._

There was a burst of muffled silence, and then, silence.

_Well, you know what they say… 'Silence is Golden, Duct-tape is silver'_

**I couldn't find motivation to write, so I played **_**Like A G6**_** until I finished. It definitely motivated me to finish :)**


End file.
